the other side

It is the other side that I am afraid of.
The side that makes the street lights blur
Until my eyes are so wet and squinty
That the whole world is melting before me.
The side that drives me to run to my sanctuary
Slam the door and collapse to the ground
Whimpering, as my body falls a slave to my emotions.
The side that begs me to open up when for so long
I have kept myself so subtly isolated,
Comforted only by the mystery that accompanied my loneliness.

But this way seems to lead to an insatiable thirst
The comfort only drives me to cry out more
And immediately after the pinnacle, my moment of cathartic glory
I feel foolish and, once again, alone.

This is the side that makes me question myself
Who I am
What I am

The tunnel vision builds
And it feels like the world is collapsing around me
And I am to be forever lost in the rubble of existence
Forever trapped beneath destruction
Brought forth by none other
Than myself.

Just Seeds

Is this the part where we stop feeling like kids?
These thoughts rust in my hands
Like the habit you just can’t shake.
And just like that painting in our guest room,
We look flawless from afar, beautiful in our surreal composition.
But up close our flaws are gaping and the unit is clearly a mess.
This spurs the growth of distrust and skepticism.
Fantasies changed in a matter of seconds—the beginning of
Something ugly and maybe even eternal.
But who cares? They’re just seeds.


Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, reality hits you like a fucking train and puts a chasm in your family…a chasm that feels like the Berlin Wall—and I’m not one for choosing sides. The void has never felt more like home.

One to be Numb

This is divine pain
These are the words of our mothers and fathers
Whispered to each other, gently large
And quietly vital

Until you shine
These are the cries of our mothers and fathers
The pushes and pulls in great time
The following splendor

We are the light
These are the burdens of our mothers and fathers
Finding the sting where waves break
And thunder breathes

Count the faults
These are the wonderings of our mothers and fathers
Tenderly torn, mended to one
One to be numb

*Chords in progress. First two stanzas: Dm, A, Am, G, Dm, Am, E, E7 (4/4, one measure per chord)